Of Resignations and Other Work Related Rants

This post was originally posted on January 9, 2015 on my WordPress blog.

 

Madaming ginagawa sa trabaho. Sobrang daming studyanteng parang kabuting bigla na lang sumusulpot. Sa katunayan nga, naka 51 ako ngayon. Tanggalin mo man ang 11 na deferred, may halos 11 ding ipinalit. Asan ang hustisya?!

Kaya madami sa aking mga ka-trabaho ang nag-file na o mag-f-file na ng resignation dahil sa dami ng kailangang gawin sa trabaho.

Bagong taon. Yan ang trend ng mga tao ngayon. Lilipat hangga’t kaya. Paubos na kami at miski ako, may ilang porsiyento rin na gustong umalis at lumipat. Tama na at sobra na. Pero, marami akong dapat iconsider kung gusto ko ngang umalis.

1. Magiging job hopper na ako nito. Ang dami ko ng nasubukang trabaho at ayoko nang mag umpisa ulit.

Mag-a-apply ulit. Mag-t-test. Mag-t-training. Mag-p-probation. Mag-aantay ng anim na buwan para ma-regular. Maliit na 13th month pay. Bagong patakaran, bagong systema. Bagong adjustments. Bagong pakikisama sa mga ka-trabaho.

2. Age limit. 26 na ako. Mag t-twenty seven na ngayong taon. Maliit na ang chansa kong makahanap ng trabahong pasok ang age bracket ko.

At the same time, sino bang makakapagsabing magugustuhan ko ang kumpanyang iyon? O magugustuhan nila ako? Pano kung ayoko din ng systema nila? Hindi naman ako pwedeng basta na lang lumipat kasi gusto ko lang.

Tumatanda na ako at pumapangit ang record ng empleyado kapag madaming nakalistang trabaho na panandalian lang naman.

3. Stability. Madaming studyante. Madaming trabaho. Madami pang nag-babayad sa kanila. Mas madaming opportunities para ma-promote. Naisip ko ngang bitawan na ang OT at Level Test pag masyado nang madaming gagawin.

Pero, ang punto… hindi naman ako nag-kakaproblema sa sweldo sa kumpanyang ito. Kung tutuusin, mas nakakapag-pundar pa ako.

Hindi nga lang kasing laki ng mga programmer or call center agents ang kita ko pero bawat bente singko ay pinaghihirapan ko naman. May benefits naman kahit walang health card. Dito na din ako nakapag-loan nung kinakailangan ko nang pera.

Alam kong walang stable, pero so far kuntento naman ako at kampante ako sa kakayahan ng kumpanyang bayaran ang trabaho ko.

4. Passion. Mahal ko pa ang trabaho ko kahit nakakapagod. Kahit minsan kailangan kong pumasok ng isang oras na mas maaga kahit 10 hours na akong nag-ttrabaho. Kahit kailangan kong pumasok ng weekend para sa LT. Kahit na kailangan kong pumasok ng holiday. Kahit hindi na ako nakakasama sa family gatherings. Kahit nakakabwisit ang mga studyante. Kahit sobrang OA na sa dami. Kahit na nag-rereklamo pa yung iba.

Ang importante natuto sila. Na-aappreciate nila yung ginagawa mo, yung effort mo, yung patience and dedication mo. Kasi nagiging worth it yung trabaho pagka ganun e. Lalo na yung nag-re-renew ng contracts. Lalo na yung nawawala tapos matapos ang ilang buwan bumabalik. Hindi na lang sa kumpanya, sa studyante na lang na natututo.

5. Bakit hindi ko ipursue ang career ko? Hmmm… bakit nga ba hindi? Mahigit 5 taon na kong underemployed. Kailangan ko nang mag-isip-isip.

Pero ayoko pa. Kaya ko pa. Masaya pa naman ako. Nakakapag-sulat naman ako kahit hindi ko siya gawing profession.

Gusto kong maging writer, hindi journalist. So far, napag-kakasya ko pa ang mga gusto ko dito, sa Tumblr at Wattpad.

Siguro, kung hindi na ako matatanggap na writer pag ayoko nang mag-turo, hindi meant to be. Siguro eto talaga ang calling ko e. Siguro namana ko talaga sa father’s side ko ang pagiging teacher. At kung lumagpas man ang opportunidad sa pag-susulat, no regrets dahil naging masaya at kuntento naman ako.

Siguro hindi pa panahon e. Kaya hindi pa ko bumibitaw. Pero hangga’t masaya pa ko, ieenjoy ko lang.

When I Was Still Passionate About Work

This post was originally posted on my WordPress account on November 7, 2014.

I was blogging on my tablet about my training in the Level Test. A Level Test is a process in which the students’ scores are based on their English proficiency and assessed through the phone. I cannot give you more details about that because it is against the company’s policy.

As I wrote this, I’m already on my third day in my Level Test training.

On the first day, Sir Ed discussed the flow of the class. I couldn’t absorb some of the things that he said because I don’t really have any idea on what we are going to do. All I did was jot down notes and listen. When he asked me if I have a question,  I was a little dumbfounded because I really don’t know what to say.

On the second day, he discussed the flow again. We listened to some of the LT recordings and we assumed the level of the students. I joined the 3 PM schedule instead of the 3:50 PM schedule because I usually have a lot of students on Thursdays. I didn’t catch the first part because they started right away. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish the training because I had classes again.

My co-trainees and I had our demo on the third day. It wasn’t very smooth because we had too many errors when we had our first demo.

I noticed that I had to polish my grammar corrections because the trainer pointed out that mistake. I also had a two-minute undertime because I didn’t maximize the free talking part of the class. He said that I should enjoy the class more. Overall, he said that it was okay.

I got too conscious because I forgot to use my timer and my nerves got the best of me. I forgot to ask more questions. I forgot to make the most of the six-minute call. I even used a pencil instead of typing my corrections on the keyboard which made the process more complicated. I also didn’t follow the flow. We had an activity and I asked his purpose in studying English but I forgot to ask his interest. We also had free talking during the activity part which was unnecessary. I had my corrections but my transition was all over the place. I was supposed to read what I have written but I didn’t do it. I was able to wrap up and say my final spiel. I stuttered a lot because I was too nervous and conscious until it ended.

I’m such a noob. But that’s just the first try. No pressure. Hahaha! We will have the scoring part next week.

There’s an afternoon LT teacher that will change her shift to morning so there will be a vacant slot. I hope that I will get the slot but I don’t want to be disappointed when I’m not chosen.

It seems like my chances of being chosen in such position is unlikely in this company. I dread the feeling of being disappointed. I’m already contented with my salary. I can manage if I am not overspending on unnecessary wants. However, I don’t want to waste the opportunity. The additional income would also be beneficial to me.

I also want it. It seems fun. However, I’m a little worried with my students because they’ve registered several times with me ever since I started working in this company. I want this. It is something new because I’m feeling a bit burnt out these days.

But of course, that is if it is really meant for me. If not, it’s okay. I am not really supposed to be a part of this. It was just offered to us and they just asked us if we are interested. I was actually hesitant to accept it. Some part of me was just forced to do it. I was pressured by my former colleague, who used to be very close to me at that time. She encouraged me to try it because she will try it as well. I value our friendship at that time so I did.

I was thinking that it was just a survey and it is not yet confirmed so I said yes. After two weeks, my Team Leader called me and told me at the pantry that out of 30 people who signed up for it, there were only 8 people who were chosen. And I’m one of them. However, my former colleague wasn’t included in the eight people.

I felt a little guilty but I was gloating deep inside. I felt very happy because I got chosen and she wasn’t. We were already competing at that time. I felt relieved when I heard that news because she can’t gloat about it. I got ahead of her. But I feel a little embarrassed because if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be included in that list. If she didn’t encourage me, I wouldn’t be chosen. But it’s already over. I’m already training for it.

I would like to give credit to myself too. I deserve this. I guess I have the skills for it, I’m soft spoken and I have passed my grammar tests as well. I think I am qualified for it. Or perhaps it’s because I’m already a regular employee and she’s still on probationary. I really don’t know.

I’m going to claim it already because I’m already here. I worked hard for it. I’m passionate in my job even if it is repetitive and exhausting. This is the job that I felt very much appreciated. My efforts are recognized.

I felt very happy because it broke my monotonous career. They appreciate my dedication because even if I do not ask for it, I was given a chance to show what I can do. I feel like a student again because I’m training for a new skill and I’m being challenged to do something new. My skills are put to test in a way that I can enjoy. It feels rewarding.

I’m contented with my Saturday overtime work. I don’t need to work too much. However, I hope that it will be given to me because it would be a great help.

Repost: Island Cove Summer Getaway (April 11, 2014)

Updated (April 24, 2016) : I regret not documenting photos properly. I regret taking the event for granted. It could have been a great story to tell.

I tried to look for the photos that I mentioned in this post. It has been two years and I think if I haven’t deleted all of it, I might have just discarded it because I’m not really into photography at that time. Thank God that I was able to recover some of the pictures. 🙂

However, I wasn’t able to retrieve the pictures that I took in the room. I have changed my phone several times in the course of two years and I really can’t remember where I saved it. I actually don’t know if I was able to back up my photos at that time. What I recovered were our selfies on the beach and nothing else. So, I’m really sorry about that.

I learned my lesson and I hope that starting this year, I can document simple events so that I won’t regret it next time.

 


 

 

A few years ago, I could actually say that I’m the type who do not write important events in my life and blog about it. I’m quite lazy like that. It was probably because I’d rather enjoy the experience than document everything.

It sometimes irks me when my family members or relatives would gather everybody in the family to have a group picture or sometimes when they interrupt a certain activity to take pictures in a certain event. I actually didn’t see the importance of documenting memories until recently.

Then there goes Ms. Armi Millare, one of the vocalists and the keyboardist of the award-winning Filipino OPM band Up Dharma Down, who’s always inspired me not to just listen to her songs but to blog as well. Damn WordPress.

Below is another blog entry from Tumblr dated April 19, 2014.


A week ago, April 11, 2014, Ino and his officemates invited me to join them in their summer outing.

I was of course, thrilled by the idea of being with my boyfriend in an out-of-town trip with his colleagues (despite being a third wheel in a company outing.) I really tried my best not to be excited about it because I know that I really don’t fit in in the group. At that time, I was thinking that they didn’t really want me there, but Ino, my boyfriend, really wants me to be with him so I did. I even filed my first ever leave in my office 3 weeks before the date.

I was even on the verge of backing out and having cold feet because my insecurities were eating me like crazy again. And we almost fought. We had a big fight again but we still pushed through.

We reported to work the day before. Ino and I were both contemplating on who will sleep in who’s house. I meant, if he will sleep in my condo unit or if I will sleep in his apartment.

I ended up sleeping in his apartment thinking that if I sleep in his place, he might be able to wake up on time. We were also supposed to buy a sunblock at the drugstore but we ended up buying a lotion instead. (Well hello there, noobs!) Then, I went to my condo to get my stuff.

Since we didn’t have much time to prepare because I had my own version of experiencing “cold feet,” I wasn’t able to prepare my things and I just resorted to hastily packing my clothes in one bag. I brought a lot of comfortable clothes a few weeks before the outing. I also bought a two piece, a one piece swimsuit and a pair of shorts. I brought the other essential things that I needed for the outing as well.

The night before the trip, we headed to my boyfriend’s apartment and had a few hours of sleep. I was struck with awe when he woke up earlier than I did and when I noticed that he was already preparing his stuff when I woke up. As far as I remembered, it was only around 5:30 in the morning. I barely had sleep and he claims that he just meditated on the bed.

After all the preparations, we headed to Mc Donald’s to have some breakfast and hang-out at Jollibee Pearl Drive to wait for his officemates. We rode a small car, a Ford Fiesta, and we had a lot of stopovers because of his colleague’s girlfriend.

Then we reached Bulalo Point in Tagaytay, which was supposed to be Nuvali, but I don’t know why they changed their mind but they did. The folks from Bulalo Point were actually good singers. If only, we went there for entertainment. However, their service was bad. The food selection was bad as well. I didn’t eat much because the Bulalo sucks, I haven’t eaten fish for a long time and it wasn’t tasty at all. If I’d known, I should have eaten something heavier or had a take out from Jollibee or Mc Donald’s before the trip.

We actually had a fun ride on the way to Island Cove. When we reached the resort, we were told to wait since their boss was the one who reserved the rooms and stuff for us. We waited for a while but the place was actually posh and beautiful so it somehow compensates for the long wait. If only Globe has a better signal in Cavite. On the other hand, Smart’s signal wasn’t as stellar but it was better than Globe’s.

So, when we got our rooms, I was tremendously happy. Ino and I had a big room, like a master’s bedroom for ourselves. There was a queen sized bed and another bed – which Ino claims serves as a sofa. There was a medium sized flat screen cable TV which I presume was provided by SKYcable or CignalTV, a mini-ref without any drinks, chocolates or anything, a closet, a veranda, and a medium sized bathroom. It was really luxurious, the only downside was that it doesn’t have a bathtub. All in all, I can say that the room met my expectations.

When we settled down, we took a rest and took advantage of the privacy of our bedroom. It was really like our honeymoon. Hahaha! We slept and woke up after 2 hours to have dinner.

Since we didn’t buy any chips because we were thinking about the corkage and we were actually low on funds at that time, we decided to split the bill for the Cheetos and bought it for a midnight snack. Then we headed to the place near the pool and the beach and just had dinner with his officemates.

After having dinner, we were informed that the pool was only available only until 9 P.M and night swimming wasn’t allowed for security purposes. It didn’t stop us though. We still had a great time because we still swam for about thirty to thirty five minutes until the guards caught our attention and informed us that I have to take off my shirt (because I’m wearing it on top of my one piece. Hahaha!) So, what was left were my one piece bathing suit and CEU shorts.

You see, I’m not really comfortable with my body at that time because I haven’t gone to the gym or had any treatments for my underarms yet. It was a good thing that we swam at night because I would really feel very embarrassed if it happened in the daytime.

Anyway, Ino offered to put the shirt on the bench. While he was away, I being my careless self, tried to climb up the stone something of the pool and unfortunately got my swimsuit ripped by the protruding tile. Well, it was just a small hole but it still made the one piece look funny. So, yeah, I didn’t listen to Ino when he told me to stay put. So, it was just my luck.

Then, after showing him what happened to my bathing suit, we just swam for the rest of the night. When we were told that the time was up, Ino hang out with his boss and officemate for a couple of drinks as we waited for our clothes to dry.

We took a shower as soon as we reached our room and took a rest. We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary anymore because we were damn too tired to even try.

The next morning, we woke up early for breakfast. We had our breakfast stubs presented before entering the cafeteria. Apparently, Max’s was a sponsor in the resort and we had a set meal. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a buffet and there wasn’t any juice or hot chocolate. I was lucky though, ’cause Ino made me a cup of coffee. 🙂

We had Chicken Tocino that morning. Then we went to the beach, took some pictures, then decided to swim and enjoy.

We are usually the kind of couple who do not like to take pictures that much. We bought a camera but we didn’t take tons of pictures. I guess, it’s not in our personality. I guess, we just prefer to enjoy the day rather than to capture selfies on the place.

Then, we showered, applied the sunblock, and swam. I had a blast with Ino. We both can’t swim well but being with him, sharing jokes and stories made me feel really grateful to be with him. I guess, I am not just a super girlfriend. He’s a super boyfriend too.

After swimming, we tried the Banana Boat. It was our first time and there are no regrets. The sight was captivating. The experience was great. Ino was panicking because he was in front. I was behind him. He was shouting like a mad man, trying to be wacky because of nerves. Then, we were dropped like a hot potato twice. It was traumatizing at first, but it was a great ride.

it's not exactly the same beach but I just want to share this beautiful beach in Subic, Zambales.
It’s not exactly the same beach but I just want to share this beautiful beach in Subic, Zambales.

We swam some more. The beach was stone-y and the sand was really fine that it was quite difficult to walk. We eventually stayed in the pool longer than the beach.

When it was time to go, we prepared our things and checked out.

We went to Starbucks after that and hang-out again for the stop over. Then we went to Nuvali because Ino’s officemate wants to check out the Wake Boarding place.

It was around 5:30 when Ino was encouraged to try wakeboarding. I was hesitant at first, knowing that he had already messed up before and it took him a surgery to get over that extreme sport. But, when he asked me to have a little faith, I did, and I let him.

His first try was funny. But his 2nd try was smooth. Until, he got out of the water and smelled inexplicably funny. It was already past 7 o’clock in the evening when we left Nuvali.

We didn’t have dinner though. Until we went for a stop over. Then his officemate dropped us off to Market! Market! on our way home.

It was a great trip. It’s just that I felt insecure with some things and that I felt jealous when he was talking with his colleague’s girlfriend. I know she’s pretty, petite and she might be his type. Ino’s a great guy too. And I chastised him for being such a nice and funny guy. We almost fought. But, in the end, we talked things out. I still felt jealous even after the trip, though.

Luckily, his flirt of an officemate, (this is a different person), backed off and stopped flirting on that trip. She tried. But I was firm on telling Ino to just let her be. I was on guard the whole time.

I guess, I might have felt too insecure, threatened and too paranoid because I know that I’m not like the others. During that time, there wasn’t any assurance of some sort in our relationship yet. ‘Though I know that he loves me and he has been telling me that numerous times already, however, for someone like me whose insecurity builds up each and every time, and knowing what guys like him want, it’s quite inevitable to feel insufficient and imperfect.

I just love Ino so much that I’d do anything to make him feel happy but I know that I’m not a saint and I can commit murder if I put my mind to it. So, yeah.. I guess I have tendencies too. LOL. I’m just kidding, okay? I love him but I’m not sure if I’m really willing to kill someone for that special love.


Two years ago, my insecurities consume me like there’s no tomorrow. At the back of my mind, I kept thinking that I wasn’t enough. That there are better girls out there that he might like. It’s possible and it still scares me up to now.

What has really changed since he proposed was the feeling of being enough. He gave me an assurance that he’s willing to commit to a much higher form of relationship. On top of that, he’s willing to have sleepless nights to save money for our wedding and he sacrifices his wants and desires for our wedding preparations. I quite feel guilty that I wasn’t contributing enough but I never heard him complain about it.

Reposting this blog entry made me feel a little shallow. I could have enjoyed the time with his colleagues. We could have enjoyed the place with his friends, but I was too scared and too selfish to let him do what makes him happy. I feel a little guilty for being such a brat but I realized my mistake now. I hope that it was never too late to show him that I know that I’m wrong and that I’m sorry.

I hope to be more mature in the coming years. I hope that we can resolve any of our problems together. I hope that this will be a lesson that I can remember. I hope that the others who are experiencing the same thing or had experienced the same thing will come to realize what I realized. I hope to have a stronger relationship with him. I hope to be happy with him for the rest of my life.